Jun. 20th, 2014

elana: (squishy)
I'm thinking about getting better at life.

There are so many things I want to do: all kinds of creative projects, and lots of basic life stuff. But for so long, I've been so caught up in trying not to feel terrible all the time, that I forgot what it felt like to want things. I didn't even want to see tomorrow, let alone fill it with dreams.

It's a very good sign, I think, that I want things again. But I'm out of practice at making such things real.

I'm pretty sure writing is an integral part of it. And sleeping, she says at six in the morning.

I'm going to make a promise to write in my diary. My paper one, with my fountain pen. It's hard to do, especially when J-M's sleeping self makes it not an option to write in bed, and I've come to realize that I absolutely hate the yellow walls in my office.

I need a tranquil, blue space where I can be completely alone.

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elana

December 2016

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